Wait, you got this all wrong.
- I never touched her. - We got there just in time.
You entertainers are all alike. You think you can own every dame.
Show me a law that says I can't buy a doll a friendly drink!
No law. Just don't buy a drink in your hotel room.
For a doll that's underage.
Let's get going.
How'd I know she was jailbait? She looked like she was 35.
Should I ask for her driver's license?
If you had, you'd have known she's the mayor's daughter.
- Can't we talk this over? - You're leaving town now.
- I can't. I'm broke. - Here's your ticket, one way!
All aboard!
Thank you.
- Taxi! - Taxicab!
- Taxi! - Cab, lady?
- Taxicab! - Taxi!
Taxi, sir?
No, I've got my chauffeur meeting me.
Okay. Taxi?
Aid, young man? Can I give you aid?
- What did you have in mind? - I beg your pardon!
- Let your hips swing... - You need a singer?
Singer? I don't care if you sing like a nightingale.
I'm running a girls' show.
Legs...
...not tonsils.
I see what you mean.
Thanks a lot.
Everybody happy on the inside!
Everybody happy! We got the greatest show in town. The greatest show!
Come on in and hear Ned Galvin and his Galvinizers!
The hottest band in town!
We got the finest food in town.
Hurry, hurry! Everybody happy on the inside. Go on right in, bud.
How are your fortune cookies?
- Hi, maestro. - Oh, no.
Remember your pal Joey?
How could I forget? You owe me 30 bucks.
Why do you think I'm here? To pay you.
- Oh, man, am I glad to see you. - Take it out of my salary.
Tell the management I'm available.
- You always are. - You have to stay loose.
That's the trouble, you see. But we have an emcee.
Listen, can we go someplace after the show, have a cup of coffee...
...and yak up old times?
That would be good, but I got a date.
If she's a good-Iooking chick, bring her along.
- She's good-Iooking, all right. - You don't understand.
- Joey's turned over a new leaf. - New Joey? Sure, I bet.
How good-Iooking is she?
Back again, huh? Oh, no.
Hey, who's the mouse with the built?
You gotta lay off of her, Joey. She's a nice kid.
She has ambition too, to be a singer.
I'm helping her with some arrangements.
Looks like she's well-arranged as it is.
Has that crummy emcee shown up?
- Not yet, Mike. He must be stuck. - Yeah, in a crap game.
That's twice this week this bum has been late.
Should we go right into the finale?
Yeah, go right into the finale.
Come on, ladies and gentlemen, let's hear it!
You can do better than that.
Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen. Good evening.
I'm very happy to be working here in my home town of... San Francisco.
I've never seen him.
I was born in this town on top of Telegraph Hill.
My mother was sending a wire at the time.
That's in Morse code. It's a Secret Service joke.
- Do you know this bum? - Yeah.
- What's his name? - His name's Joey Evans.
The Joey Evans who caused all the trouble...
...at the Hi-Ho Club a few years back?
You mean the Joey Evans who...?
I've a request to do a song to all saloonkeepers...
...who blew their liquor license. "I Didn't Know What Time It Was."
Oh, boy. C-7, please.
He's got them in a trance.
It's better they stay awake. In a trance, they won't drink.
If they won't drink, I go out of business.
He's cute!
You think anyone with pants on is cute.
I like lots of people without pants. What I mean is...
Let it lay, honey.
Thank you very much.
Okay, hit the finale.
- Say, when do I start? - You already started.
What about my billing? You know, my picture out front.
- Are you kidding? - Who's kidding?
I've got a big following. They'll break the door down.
One bad night and you'll be out.
I've heard a lot about you, lover-boy.
I don't want you around the customers' dames.
One false move and you're out on your Francis. Yeah, you.
That's what I like, Mike, security in a job. Say...
...nobody's brought it up yet, but I get 200 a week.
- What? - I'll take less. I'll take less.
I made it a point never to argue with the owner.
She was one of those new kids, a little nervous.
I coached her a bit, excuse the expression.
She was singing that draggy jazz. When the fleet landed...
...she asked what would please the sailors.
So I told her. Things were never the same between us again.
Linda English, Joey Evans.
She was quite a doll, that redheaded girl of yours in San Diego.
It was your redheaded girl.
If you want to get technical, she was the manager's girl.
And she was a brunette.
It's good to see American food.
I've been working six months in Honolulu.
- You don't look very tan. - Well, it was the rainy season.
If you want to know what they wear under those grass skirts...
- Hey, easy. - I'm sorry.
- Excuse me, Miss...? - English.
- For you, Ned. - Okay, baby. Excuse me.
I heard about you, buster.
Big reputation.
Yeah, but I'm too much of a lady to say what for.
My sister worked with you in Fresno. She told me all about you.
Which one was she?
The one you didn't get to first base with.
Oh, she was the ugly one. Must be twins.
Good news! We're coming up in the world.
The agent called and wants us to play a society party on Nob Hill.
Shorty, you call the union and get four extra guys.
The main band's bus broke down somewhere.
- Want to go along? - We'd love to.
No! Well, maybe this will give you a chance to pick up a couple bucks.
- I'll never forget you for this. - Yes, you will.
Ask the drummer for a jacket.
Nice to have met you, Miss...?
English.
Gotta remember that.
I recognize the face, but not the body.
That's Mrs. Prentiss Simpson. She owns the place.
She didn't pick up that action at Arthur Murray's.
You're right. She used to be Vera Vanessa. She was in show business.
Then she married a wealthy guy and retired.
Oh, yeah, now I remember. "Vanessa the Undresser."
I didn't recognize her with her clothes on. Not a bad-Iooking mouse.
It's too bad you can't afford her brand of cheese.
Sold to the highest bidder, our charming hostess, Mrs. Simpson.
Ladies and gentlemen, I believe this ends our little auction.
You'll be happy to learn...
...that the Children's Hospital will be richer by $17,605.
It's a wee bit short of our goal of 20,000...
...but unfortunately, we seem to have run out of articles to auction.
Just a minute, Mrs. Simpson. I believe I have something to auction.
How much would you bid to hear Mrs. Simpson do one of her numbers?
This is her favourite charity. She couldn't possibly say no.
How much to see her do the number...
...that made her name a byword from coast to coast?
You don't remember Vera Vanessa? "Vera with the Vanishing Veils."
You needn't start the bidding. I will open the bidding.
I will get things going by bidding $1000.
A thousand bucks to see our lovely hostess do the number...
...as she did it on the stage.
Not exactly, because she promised the police commissioner...
...she'd never do it that way again.
Do I hear two thousand? Two thousand?
- Two thousand. - Three thousand.
That's hardly enough. That's hardly half enough.
We've got to do a lot better than that.
I'll bid $4000.
Do I hear $5000? Five thousand, ladies and gentlemen?
Doesn't anybody...? Five thousand dollars!
Five thousand?
Please... Five thousand dollars!
I'll bid five thousand.
Five thousand dollars, the man bids. Sold for five thousand dollars.
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Mrs. Prentiss Simpson.
You louse.
Thank you very much.
And now if you'll step onto the terrace, supper is being served.
Nothing like a midnight snack.
Just a minute, my presumptuous friend.
- The help is eating in the kitchen. - T.R.U.
If you want a comeback, I've got material.
You can reach me at the Barbary Coast Club.
Before I go, there's one thing I'd like to know.
What would you have done if you'd had to pay the 4000?
Simple. I'd have killed myself. Good night, Miss...?
Oh, forget it.
- Good night, Linda. - Good night. See you at rehearsal.
Of all the dirty, rotten, low-down tricks.
What?
You know what I'm talking about, Linda. You know I'm stuck on her.
- I didn't even look at her. - That's just it.
She's beautiful and you act like she doesn't exist.
Are you trying to make a move?
- Who me? - No, him!
I told you I turned over a new leaf. She's not my type.
They're all your type, Joey.
Where are you going?
With you. I've gotta have a place to stay.
Not with me. I'd as soon bunk with a cobra.
Now just a minute.
Here's 20 bucks.
This is your share of tonight's take. You know what?
Get your own room.
Ned, I'm hurt, really.
If that's the way you want it.
Sure, I know I'm gonna hate myself in the morning.
You may not have to wait that long.
- What do you want? - To rent the room.
- At this hour? Come back later. - I need it now. I'm tired.
Sure you're not one of those sex fiends?
Me? No, but I'm not against it.
- Where's your baggage? - At the airport.
It's coming tomorrow.
When the boy comes, will you tip him? Here's $10.
All right.
I like quiet. You wouldn't have a room next to someone who works nights?
Why, I've got just the thing. Second floor, front.
Next to a young lady, an actress, but very refined.
You share a bath.
- We do? - She's nice and clean.
Now, is this what you want?
It's the closest thing to it.
I don't allow pets, cooking in the room...
...or guests of the opposite sex, unless related.
Well, I have several nieces.
That'll be $40 a month, in advance.
You wouldn't have change of $100?
Think I want to get murdered?
No, of course. Well, here's 10, ma'am, on account.
I'll get you some towels.
Thank you.
I'll hurry her up.
- Who is it? - Mrs. Casey.
Meet your new neighbour.
Oh, no!
You know each other?
- What a coincidence! - Isn't it, though?
If you were my girl, you wouldn't need one of those.
I'm filling it for Mrs. Casey!
You shouldn't wear pajamas. You're definitely the nightgown type.
The shorties.
I'll pay you next week.
You alter that one too, and I'll send around my friends.
Never mind sending friends, just send your money.
Hi there, fella.
Bet you wish you were out here, don't you?
- If it isn't Ned's girl. - I'm not his girl.
He told me you were.
I don't want to complain, but you used all the hot water this morning.
I thought you could use a cold shower.
He's cute. Reminds me of my dog when I was a kid.
His name was Snuffy.
I was crazy about him, and one day he got run over by a milk truck.
I haven't been able to drink milk since.
I wish I could afford him. It gets Ionely travelling by yourself.
Don't you have rehearsals with your boyfriend?
If you mean Ned, I told you...
Oh, yes, you're just good friends.
So long, Snuffy.
Oh, by the way, both of us use a green toothbrush.
One of us is gonna have to change.
- Barbary Coast Club. Come right in and see our "sex-sational" girls...
...and featuring Joey Evans.
- Come on. - Joey!
- Come on. - Joey, stop!
Gotta go.
When do I get a door on this closet?
You don't. I couldn't trust you behind a door.
Say, where's that big following you're supposed to have?
It takes time. Let the word percolate.
It'd better percolate quick.
- Evening, Mr. Miggins. Hi, Joey. - Hi, doll.
Stop over tonight? I want to show you my hi-fi.
This kid's got a fine woofer and tweeter.
Like I was saying, Mike, you gotta let the people know I'm here.
Your name's out front.
What? Can't your public read?
Sure they can, but blow up my picture.
You're blown up enough.
Here's your shirts, Joey.
Just the way you like them, no starch.
What an arrangement.
You bum. In two weeks you've moved in on every doll but Gladys and Linda.
Showtime!
- Gladys doesn't appeal to me. - And you don't appeal to Linda.
Oh, no? I've got plans for this doll.
Ring-a-ding plans!
This mouse takes a special kind of baiting.
You're wasting your time. She won't go for it.
They all do.
Whoever heard of singing a song like this without a girl?
Come on.
- Fun, huh? - It was wonderful.
How's it feel working with a star?
Don't let it go to your head.
Just baiting the trap.
Why, you...
Hey, Linda.
I'm taking a bath. I'll be out in 10 minutes.
Want me to scrub your back?
No.
And you needn't bother peeking through the keyhole.
There's a Band-Aid over it.
How about a nice Sunday dinner?
I'll take you out to the Cliff House.
We'll have steak, French fries and wine. You know, the whole mishmash.
Thanks. I can't afford it.
What do you mean, you? I'm popping.
Why, that's very generous of you, Joey.
I'd love to.
- Funny how we use the same toothpaste. - Yes, mine.
It's things like that that bring people together.
Look, there's your friend. Why, he's glad to see you.
Look how he likes you. It's just amazing.
I come by every day and talk to him.
I pretend like he's mine.
- You'd really like to own him? - I'd give my right arm.
- How much is this terrier? - Twenty-five dollars.
- Twenty...! - We'll take him!
- What are you doing? - No excuses. I've made up my mind.
I couldn't let you throw away that money on me.
I want you to buy what you really want. A dog to replace Snuffy.
No, I don't want the... What I mean is...
Mrs. Casey would never let me have a dog.
She will. I told her how much it meant to you. She was touched.
- She won't be when he ruins her rug. - Oh, he'll be housebroken in no time.
- Here you are. - Thank you.
Here. A dog to replace Snuffy.
All yours. You'll never be Ionely again.
That'll be $25, mister.
Would you like to take some worm medicine?
Not if I can help it.
We can't go to dinner like this.
Don't worry about me. You just run along home with Snuffy.
Look at that. He's crazy over him.
Yeah, he loves me.
Well, don't let it go to your head. Bye, Joey. Bye, Snuffy.
Twenty-five bucks for a mutt like you.
You're not what I expected to wind up with tonight.
Terrier.
Terrier, my ankle!
I bet you don't even know who your old man is.
But don't worry about it, I don't know who mine is either.
We're members of the same club.
Let's see what you know.
Sit up. Roll over.
What a no-talent pooch.
Okay, get some sleep. Tomorrow we start working, teach you some tricks.
No, my little fellow. Off. O-R-F. Orf!
Here. Come on.
And remember, the powder room is in the park.
Okay, fatten up.
Snuffy, don't take it! You mustn't do that.
- Why not? The pooch is hungry. - What? Chicken bones?
What's wrong with that?
You used to feed them to Snuffy?
There never really was a Snuffy, was there?
There is now.
I guess I played a dirty trick on you.
Nah, it doesn't matter.
He's beginning to grow on me now.
And so are you too.
What's with the milk bit?
I says, " Doc, how long do I have to sneak in the back and drink this?
It doesn't look good to the customers."
Mike, Mrs. Simpson, the big society dame, just come in.
- Mrs. Simpson, in my place? - Table nine.
Take him for a walk.
I told you I'd bring her in. Wait a minute.
Let me handle this. I'm big with her kind.
You're pretty big above your ears.
Some guys have a system with horses, I got one with dames.
- Hit me. - It's a snap.
You treat a dame like a lady and treat a lady like a dame.
And underneath those furs, that is pure dame.
This place was definitely not recommended by Duncan Hines.
Wouldn't we rather be bobbing for apples? Why bring us here?
I've got a score to settle with one of the inmates.
Watch Joey's class.
You stock up on the caviar and champagne.
This dump'll cater to nothing but the carriage trade.
Good evening.
We're honoured and so pleased to see you came all the way from Nob Hill.
Well, the boy auctioneer. Won't you join us?
I'd be delighted.
I'm Joey Evans.
- My name's Stanley. - Mine's Livingston.
That's funny. They have a sense of humour.
- I like that. Reminds me of Dad's. - Dad's?
My father always used to tease me about something.
- Particularly about my flying. - Your flying?
In my sports plane. Oh, it was my love, my life.
You get something out of flying that's unlike anything else.
Really?
It used to upset him because I started when I was quite young.
I'm sure you started at it very young.
It was when I studied aeronautics and conversational French at Princeton.
That is, before I resigned to go into the theatre.
Pierre?
When is he going to study conversational English?
Would you bring a bottle of the best champagne, please?
Oh, yes, yes, sir!
Hungry? They have a piece of resistance here that's great.
Oh, no, thank you. We ate before we came.
I can't say I blame you. I must apologize for the crumb... The décor.
The owner is an old buddy of mine. We were in the same platoon.
And, well, he wired me for help when I was in New York.
I quit my job at the Waldorf and here I am.
I've always admired men who are loyal to their friends.
Just between you and me, I've been thinking about opening my own place.
Something very intimate and quiet...
...classy. Maybe a quartet of violins.
I'd be there every night.
You would?
That's wonderful.
What are we going to call it?
Well, I thought we'd call it something romantic...
...and maybe foreign even.
How about...
...Chez Joey?
Chez Joey? That's very good. That's perfect.
It's even French.
Here we are.
Sure it's old enough to be out alone?
Yes, sir. 1950, a very good year.
Maybe for the grape, but it was a lousy year for emcees.
- To Chez Joey. - Chez Joey.
That's what I like. Champagne that fights back.
Showtime!
Oh, that's me. Excuse me.
I do a song in this show, a love song, especially for some of my friends.
What is this?
We were just slumming, Beauty. And we have a lot of spots to make.
What's next, boys? That place where the lady dances with snakes?
So that's your system, huh?
I tried it on the wrong mare.
Your system just ran out of the money and so have you. You're through!
Don't you know a phony act when you see it?
She had to do that with those two guys. She'll be back.
Get out of here before I wreck my furniture.
Wait! You'll be sorry. Come here. I want to make you a deal.
If she's not back by Saturday, I'll leave without pay.
You bet you will.
But, if she comes back, I stay with a raise.
Okay, you got a deal.
There's a gentleman to see you.
When I asked his business...
...he seemed to talk a vernacular I simply couldn't follow.
- It sounds like Superboy. - Excuse me?
Same vernacular. I'll see him.
You bet you will. Get rid of the pallbearer.
All right, what is it?
- I dropped in to say goodbye. - Oh, are you going somewhere?
Yep, away.
It worked, baby. I'm through, the end of this week.
I didn't mean that to happen.
Don't worry your head about it.
I'm sick of this lousy town anyway.
I really came here to straighten you out...
...so you wouldn't get wrong ideas why I made a play.
I wouldn't want you to get the impression that you appeal to me.
The only thing about you that appeals to me is your M-U-N-Y. Money.
- Do I make myself clear? - Crystal clear.
By the way...
...if you knew what you're throwing away, you'd cut your throat.
Mr. Evans?
Have you had lunch?
Thank you, but I have a luncheon date with a dog.
Okay, it's lunchtime. Come on.
There you go.
Come on, boy.
It's not chopped liver, but you eat what I eat for the time being.
Here, try this bagel.
The fingers are mine. Easy!
You ought to try that with cream cheese and lox.
Stick with me, you'll have nothing but bad habits.
Okay, it's time for your lessons.
Let's see what you've learned.
We'll begin with the praying bit. That always gets them.
And while you're at it, pray that Mrs. Simpson remembers to show up.
Lover-boy.
You're gonna love it on the road.
Joey, it's Linda. May I come in?
Sure, come in and make yourself at home.
Gladys says you're leaving.
Yeah, that's right. I got a wire from Hollywood.
Well, why didn't you tell me?
Why should I? You don't care what happens to me.
Of course I do. All the girls do.
I don't care about all the girls, baby.
I just care about you.
Do you mean that, Joey, or is it just an act?
Of course I mean it.
We'll miss her, won't we, Snuffy?
I'll miss you too.
I'm very fond of Snuffy.
Why don't the three of us have supper tonight?
Show business is funny. We may never see each other again.
Tonight could be our last night.
All right, Joey. I'll change my things.
I'll take you to the Cliff House for shrimp...
...steak, French fries and wine. You know, the whole mishmash.
Mind the store.
I'll finish your laundry, Joey. You can pick it up later.
Gee, I sure am gonna miss you.
I'm gonna miss you too, doll. Your flatwork is a gasser.
I hear you got the old bounceroo, big shot.
If you mean you heard I was leaving, you got it.
I'm on my way to New York. El Morocco.
The only way you could get to Morocco is to join the Foreign Legion.
Funny, funny!
- There's some scraps for your dog. - Thank you, chef.
Dog, my foot. He eats them himself.
Why not? It's good stuff.
Would you care to join us?
Sloppy.
Take it easy. Don't get excited.
- Mrs. Simpson! - Good evening.
Won't you come in?
- Am I too late? - You? Never.
I'm in the mood for entertainment.
- Pete, get the boys. - Yes, sir! Right away.
Champagne for the band and make mine a double brandy.
- Double brandy for Mrs. Simpson! - Okay, Mike.
- I believe you have a singer. - Yeah, Joey.
Joey, sing a song for the lady.
What would the lady like?
- Tell him to surprise me. - Joey, surprise the lady.
I'll surprise the lady.
Double brandy.
Twenty-six.
Come now, Beauty.